exploring love while lost: my pre-trip intentions
I leave in five days for Tel Aviv, Israel on a solo journey that I have been wanting to take for years. I have started this blog as a self-healing exercise to observe love in a multitude of places and spaces. I want to capture the changes in my own perspective by bringing to light the essence of love through stories of others across the globe. I am no expert on this subject and do not have a degree in psychology; just a desire to learn and delve into the pieces of myself that have simultaneously given up on love and yearned for its presence. I will be traveling with a one-way ticket to the middle east and from there letting the soft pull of my intuition guide me. Below are the main intentions for my journey.
To build my confidence and self-esteem that has long been eroded.
An abusive relationship slowly disintegrates these two characteristics of a healthy person. I have been in multiple in my life. In traveling, I must believe in mySelf. I must trust my intuition, something I have often pushed down and ignored. I must set boundaries with others to protect myself. I hope that my travels will place me in positions to exert my own power and build my internal strength.
To sit peacefully with my authentic Self.
Traveling solo means that I will not have to compromise on where to eat, when to wake up, or what city or town to travel to next. I have the tendency to become lost in my relationships with others. I let them make the decisions and go along with it. For a long time, I found this as being a positive trait of being 'easy going'. I now know that you can be 'easy going' without abandoning your own opinions, preferences, and needs. I hope to build the courage to assert myself in all areas of life--to stop caring so much about what others think and simply be me.
To be alone for an extended period of time.
For as long as I can remember I avoided the aching pain of loneliness and have found multiple ways to steer clear of my own company. Like a hole inside my heart, I have endeavored to fill that void with drugs, alcohol, excessive exercise, and relationships. I have been with people who are not good for me as a way to avoid feeling alone. This often results in the most uncomfortable type of loneliness: that of being around others but still feeling empty inside. In the last few weeks, instead of running from this feeling I have attempted to embrace it. I have sat with it. I have cried it out. By the end of my journey, I hope to find peace (and maybe even pleasure) in this space of aloneness.
To fall in love with life again.
Before deciding to book my flight, I was working in a very comfortable office job in social work. The routine of which slowly killed me (okay I'm being dramatic but you get the point). For years I have been dedicating my life to learning in a college setting and then in the workforce. I quit my job and quickly started planning for this trip as a way to re-discover my love of life--to 'free' my spirit once again...
To learn about relationships and love on a broader level.
Love as a concept is understood differently in every household. From arranged marriages to popular shows like The Bachelor, each culture has a different set of internal guides for finding and sustaining love. So where do these differences intersect? What is love? I want to not only explore relationships of couples but also those of the self and family. I desire to document both healthy and happy pairings and those that are estranged, damaged, severed, or harmful. I don't expect to find clear cut answers, but instead perspective. I will be interviewing people who have something to say about love in all its complexities and I will be sharing their stories with you. Along the way, I also expect to be relating to these stories myself and sharing my own perspective and that of popular authors.
Join me on my journey of relational self-discovery.
To build my confidence and self-esteem that has long been eroded.
An abusive relationship slowly disintegrates these two characteristics of a healthy person. I have been in multiple in my life. In traveling, I must believe in mySelf. I must trust my intuition, something I have often pushed down and ignored. I must set boundaries with others to protect myself. I hope that my travels will place me in positions to exert my own power and build my internal strength.
To sit peacefully with my authentic Self.
Traveling solo means that I will not have to compromise on where to eat, when to wake up, or what city or town to travel to next. I have the tendency to become lost in my relationships with others. I let them make the decisions and go along with it. For a long time, I found this as being a positive trait of being 'easy going'. I now know that you can be 'easy going' without abandoning your own opinions, preferences, and needs. I hope to build the courage to assert myself in all areas of life--to stop caring so much about what others think and simply be me.
To be alone for an extended period of time.
For as long as I can remember I avoided the aching pain of loneliness and have found multiple ways to steer clear of my own company. Like a hole inside my heart, I have endeavored to fill that void with drugs, alcohol, excessive exercise, and relationships. I have been with people who are not good for me as a way to avoid feeling alone. This often results in the most uncomfortable type of loneliness: that of being around others but still feeling empty inside. In the last few weeks, instead of running from this feeling I have attempted to embrace it. I have sat with it. I have cried it out. By the end of my journey, I hope to find peace (and maybe even pleasure) in this space of aloneness.
To fall in love with life again.
Before deciding to book my flight, I was working in a very comfortable office job in social work. The routine of which slowly killed me (okay I'm being dramatic but you get the point). For years I have been dedicating my life to learning in a college setting and then in the workforce. I quit my job and quickly started planning for this trip as a way to re-discover my love of life--to 'free' my spirit once again...
To learn about relationships and love on a broader level.
Love as a concept is understood differently in every household. From arranged marriages to popular shows like The Bachelor, each culture has a different set of internal guides for finding and sustaining love. So where do these differences intersect? What is love? I want to not only explore relationships of couples but also those of the self and family. I desire to document both healthy and happy pairings and those that are estranged, damaged, severed, or harmful. I don't expect to find clear cut answers, but instead perspective. I will be interviewing people who have something to say about love in all its complexities and I will be sharing their stories with you. Along the way, I also expect to be relating to these stories myself and sharing my own perspective and that of popular authors.
Join me on my journey of relational self-discovery.
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