how it feels to be 'home': my five agreements

In short: It's a bizarre mixture of feeling out of place while simultaneously knowing that I belong here.

Reverse culture shock is definitely a thing folks.  And it's more than seeing escalators instead of stairs everywhere I go, it's also a drastic change in lifestyle.  I used to wake up every day knowing that I was heading somewhere.  That I could get on a bus, train, or plane and be in a completely different place with a new set of nuances.  Now I wake up differently, brewing my own coffee in my treehouse and driving my car to seize the day.  Beautiful still, but different, yes. 

Coming home with a new perspective often feels overwhelming.  Most of the time, I feel that I don't relate to anyone from home and have to force myself to understand their perspective.  I have had innumerable experiences that I have learned to hold close to my heart. 

Because let's face it, when you come home no one really understands the tremendous adventure of barely missing a ferry to Zanzibar, getting lost in the small alleys of Jerusalem, or running out of gas on a motorcycle up a hill in Rwanda.  And no one will comprehend how many incredible connections you made (I can hardly comprehend this). 

And, similarly, I am currently finding it difficult to relate to the dramas of workplace personalities, the irritation you feel all day after someone cuts in line, the theatrics of your love life or lack thereof, or the traffic which you experience each day that sends your emotions spiraling (okay, that last one I sort of already understand even being back for about a week--I am from California, after all).

Bethlehem, Palestine

A couple of days ago, I woke up to the sunrise and felt grateful it wasn't the middle of the night. I smiled knowing that I was adjusting to the California time zone.  The moment, however, made me wonder what else I was adjusting to.  Here are a few things I have learned and will endeavor to hold on to as I adjust to being home.  These are my five agreements:

1.  Refraining from gossip.  This quality is essential for me to keep.  On the road, gossip is not something you commonly hear.  One learns how to accept people the way they are, and if they have a problem or concern, go to them directly.  I've noticed that at home people (myself included) will revert to gossip in conversation to avoid silence.  I've come to realize that if I feel the need to gossip, then I need to talk to that particular person, not everyone else, about how I feel.  Because here is the thing about gossip: Some of us do it just because we are bored, or worse, we are jealous or insecure.  Even more concerning, some of us gossip to fit in.  We don't need to gossip, we need to be honest with ourselves and to each other.  This is something I want to put into practice every day.

A love car in Tel Aviv, Israel

2.  Saying yes to life.  It's so easy to get caught up in of endless amounts of paperwork, bills, and television.  I want to continue to take chances, seek adventure and say yes to new experiences.  

3.  Exercising my boundaries and knowing when to say no. My boundaries define who I am as a person.  For a long time, if not most of my life, I have had blurry boundaries.  Of course, this changed when I had to take control of situations while traveling.  I had to trust my intuition and know when to say no in order to protect myself.  I had to be tough.  I've come to understand that 'tough' is an important part of who I am--a part I'm not willing to let go of in order to please others.

4.  Meeting new people.  I met incredible humans during my travels by simply being open and unafraid to chat with strangers.  I would like to keep this momentum.  There are all kinds of people you can connect with that you might encounter every day.  Who knows, maybe a best friend is sitting next to you in the coffee shop, on the train to work, or in yoga class.  

5.  Believing in love.  

My journey began as an exploration of my conflicting feelings about love.  Throughout my trip, I hammered into those wounds while also challenging others by asking questions regarding the concept of love.  I have realized that love is worth fighting for, it's worth crying over, it's worth feeling pain, hurt and anguish.  Love is what makes this life worth living.

And I even had a little romance.  On the last leg of my trip, I formed an easy friendship with a man based on our ability to be ourselves and to enjoy each other with the time we had together.  He showed me that respectful, understanding, patient (and yes, internally and externally gorgeous) men are still out there.  Our connection might have been the first time I felt as though I really loved myself while concurrently exploring the many facets of intimacy with another person.  He revealed to me a glimmer of love.  To this man: thank you for allowing me to let my guard down and without judgment appreciating me for who I am.  Real, powerful connections are rare--and I believe ours is unique and one I will never forget.  It was also one I didn't expect, which makes it even more special to me.

Lamu, Kenya

Intimacy (or into me see) is like looking into a body of water from above--the experience shows you who you really are.  If you are very lucky, you meet someone still enough to reflect the clearest image of yourself.  But you must also be still, you must also know who you are.  That's what makes loving someone unbelievably scary, you're looking into pieces of yourself that you might have otherwise ignored.  And if the connection is respectful, loyal and healthy, your partner causes small ripples instead of a storm.  

It's through intimacy that you are shown the depths of another's being.  And with every new comical quirk, with every brave vulnerability, you will also begin to see them as they truly are.  When both parties share reciprocal trust, there is an equal exchange of their essences.  In a beautiful onion-like reveal, we slowly let the other into our odd, secret world.  It is intimacy in all its variants that differentiates romantic love from other types of love.  

There are so many beautiful people who I came to love on this trip.  I'm still learning, of course, but this is what I have come to find: the most valuable love you can have is the love you have for yourself.  It's the only relationship that is guaranteed to last forever.  Your ability to forgive yourself, to move past your mistakes, to rejoice in your successes, and to take ownership of who you really are are qualities of a healthy relationship with you.  And that, my friends, is a love worth fighting for.