love at first sight: a case against the concept


Yes, we all have met someone and instantly feel the chemistry, attraction and deep connection with them. But is the initial feeling of intense butterflies in your stomach love?  Is love this immediate?

I'll be the first to admit that I've experienced a romantic meeting that seemed cosmic, where I've immediately felt I have found 'the one.'

The relationship moved quickly, too quickly, and before I knew it, I was walking down the aisle to an attractive stranger. I realized many months later that our connection was intense infatuation, and when those butterflies revealed that they were fleeting, the relationship crumbled to the ground.

What held us together for years was an idea. The idea that we both were destined to be together. We were confident of our divine connection; that against all the odds and outside influences our bond was going to make it.

I held on to our initial meeting with all my might, as proof of our love. It had all the hallmarks of love at first sight: it was romantic, electric, and left me awestruck. As I struggled to hold on to this fantasy, I internally argued against my intuition and eventually, I lost the plot attempting to nurture an unhealthy partnership.

So my opinion on love at first sight is biased, it didn't work out. The intense initial feeling I had for the person blurred my reasoning abilities to see him as he was. Instead, I saw him as a gleaming prince charming, the one who was going to complete me. Of course, I've come to realize that no outside person or thing can complete me; I must complete me.
As young people, we are fed the narrative of love being immediate; when you meet 'the one' you'll know right away. You see this in stories such as Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, etc.

The Little Mermaid is one of my favorite stories of love at first sight in all of its insanity. Ariel, the mermaid, sees Prince Eric ONCE on a boat and abandons her friends and family, making a deal with an evil witch to become a human. She also gives up her voice (therefore her intellect, her verbal boundaries, her opinion, her story) and relies on her physical attraction and cute ignorance of human life to coerce the prince to fall in love with her. Okay rant over, and to get the record straight, I fucking love The Little Mermaid, and Eric still is the hottest Disney prince. And as a side note, the original story by Hans Christian Anderson is even more disturbing.
Eric, you are still the sexiest Disney prince

Aside from Disney romances, it is my belief, and many others that Romeo and Juliet is a satire about how crazy and irrational love at first sight can be.

But these popular stories had to have had an impact on how we view love right? So is love created when we first look into the eyes of a stranger? Or are these stories symbolizing the power and overall absurdity of love at first sight?

I recently started to ponder the concept while driving (where I do most of my heavy thinking) listening to 'Peaceful Easy Feeling' by the Eagles.

Now this song is a love story. If you haven't already, listen to the lyrics.
The main chorus:
And I got a peaceful easy feelin'
And I know you won't let me down
Cause I'm already standin'
On the ground

While listening to this, I thought to myself: THIS is how healthy love should feel. A peaceful easy feeling of being able to be you. You should feel comfortable, not like your unraveling with cosmic butterflies rolling around in your stomach. Love is patient, and trust takes time to cultivate. It feels like you are grounded, at ease, not flying into the sky in fantasy land.

Love doesn't mean you're nervously and abruptly altering yourself and your goals to fit what the other wants. So no: I will remain a mermaid; I will not commit suicide to eternally be with someone; I will not agree to marry someone after only knowing them for a month (cough cough).

But wait, what about the spark? What about biological attraction at first sight? What about the happily ever after? Don't fret folks, I will be writing another post supporting the concept of love at first sight so stay tuned! <3

I want to hear from you about your experiences with this concept! Do you believe in immediate love? I would love to interview someone that has had lasting love that began upon first sight, reach out to me if this is you!






Comments

  1. Summer TheobaldAugust 24, 2019 at 1:56 PM

    I always think of your parents when I think of love at first sight. Your dad saw your mom and basically went "I want that one", and he met her and here they are all these years later. It sounds like a magical story, but there is so much in between, they work as a couple because they fought for it, worked at it and stayed devoted to one another. We are shown these fairy tales of love at first sight, but they don't show the reality of love, they don't show the fights or the difficulties. True genuine love at first sight can happen, but there's still work involved, and that initial attraction may not always overcome the difficulties of every day life. On the other hand my own relationship must seem strange to outsiders. We hated each other when we first met at 14 years old, but now at 30 we are rock solid, truly in love and 100% content in ourselves and the life we have together. Sometimes love is more about commitment than attraction, because sometimes matter how much you love someone you may not be able to LIKE them, there moments where smothering them with their pillow is all you can think about. At the end of the day I think that movies, books, and other media tends towards unhealthy portrayals of love, you don't see the struggle, only the magic.

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    Replies
    1. AhnaAugust 24, 2019 at 2:18 PM

      Thank you for your comment Summer! Yes, I agree that commonly we are shown unhealthy versions of love (especially in fairy tales, movies etc). But I also think this is changing, recent children's movies are now fairly inclusive, and are not all about the love at first sight concept. My dad might have been super attracted to my mom at first, but she didn't feel the same at first (plus he handed her a warm beer and took the cold one which turned her off). I think attraction at first sight is a very real thing, and I will be going into detail about this in another post. But attraction is not love, in my opinion. I'm glad you and your husband are happy and you've found that you can truely be yourselves together. As you said, that took time, patience, and trust <3 love you cousin thank you for your comment and opinion on the matter.

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